When Disaster strikes

Today after scrolling facebook with the recent disaster news (hurricane florence) I find it very sad to see so many people whom have left there animals high and dry some still even chained to the ground and in there kennels,cages or fences. It’s sad to think about it really. Why people???? Those dogs most likely would have risked there lives to save yours yet you leave them like they don’t mean a thing to you?! How?! I mean it’s sad really. If I was in your situation I get most shelters won’t take animals but they have shelter that will some that are specifically for animals; besides that why even have them if you are going to just leave them? You could have at least freed them or something instead of leaving them stuck on a chain no way to free themselves to survive pretty much letting them to die if that was your plan at least free them so they could have had a fighting chance!!! I myself would have taken my dogs with me… my boys are part of the family. They have been loyal and if it wasn’t for the dogs being so loving no matter what idk where I would be. With all the stuff I’ve been through and the way I’ve became after losing 2 of my 3 Angels to there father and having a wall between them and I and getting mo news on how they are doing what’s going on in there lives or anything which honestly has killed me cause I used to be number 1 to them there everything and now I’m nothing. If it wasn’t for my dogs Troy and Zeus I would be totally lost. With them being here I’ve been able to focus my free time on them instead of worry about my boys and have been able to not be so stressed and able to have hope for the future that very soon they will get to meet our dogs and that between me Michael, Clayton, Troy, Zeus (us 5) will soon be reunited with the last 2 missing links of our family and we will all be happy and that I’m helping the dogs to be prepared for the day that we will all be together and happy again. My dogs give me hope for the future they keep me going when I feel like crying and feel hopeless. I have tons of hope and faith since they have came into my life. I know I fall short at times as a pet parent and as a parent to all 3 of my boys and my 2 dogs but I try and the love I receive from them makes it worth it and makes me want to keep trying. So why someone would leave a part of there family behind blows my mind! I just don’t get it. To me there is no reason to leave your dog chained to the ground while you and your family evacuate. If you didn’t want them any more give them to someone who would or let go to fend for them selves please.. I know it’s not right to judge and no I’m not judging cause for as much as I know the pictures could be fake or it could have been an accident. But I’m not sure how you could forget a family member.

Kidney infections suck!

So for the past week or so i have been having trouble keeping food down and had been really nauseous. I figured it had been stress. Until Wednesday came alone; i felt lots of back pain in my kidney area so i went to the dr. And told them my issue on Wednesday they put me off work Thursday to come back to work Friday and gave an an antibiotic. Well by Friday i got worst. I got to the point i couldn’t keep water down. So i tried to go to work got sent home after 4 hours of work cause the pain in my kidney got to be way to much to handle. Needless to say i went back to the dr. She told me her main fear at this point was that i would end up in the hospital since i had a bad kidney infection and was on the verge of dehydration. So she gave me medicine for the nausea and vomiting along with a new stronger antibiotic and 2 antibiotic shots in the butt. And told me to keep trying to drink a lot of water to flush out my system and cranberry juice the same instructions i was given last time. I didn’t start to feel better until Sunday afternoon. Still not 100% but hopefully it won’t be long!

♡♡Pit bulls♡♡

Growing up teachers always tell you to never judge a book by it’s cover. Lots of times as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned that to be true. You never really know a person until you know a person same goes for dogs.

I see lots of adults who forget this with people and instantly judge them before they know them. I also see it with dogs! And it drives me crazy. People see my pits and instantly think they are mean and i even had a guy tell me one time if i seen your dog off the leash i would shot him! I was so mad. Cause my dogs are so friendly they love everyone! I have Troy who thinks he is half the size he really is and he he tries to jump on you and sit on your lap. I probably started that; cause when he was just a little little puppy he would sit on my lap and cuddle and i treated him like he was never going to be a big dog forgetting how big he would get. Now that he is a good 60-70 lbs he acts like he is a 5-10 lbs lap dog still. I’ll be in bed and he will sleep at the foot of our bed or next to us like he is a baby even though he gets easily annoyed of Zeus our other pit who is younger and 20-30 lbs but thinks he’s 60-70 lbs. Zeus is smart for his young age he is learning faster maybe because he has Troy to teach him. Today he picked up his leash and dropped it at the foot of my oldest son who usually takes them out. I told him to take the dogs out please. He got his shoe on and While he did poor Zeus couldn’t wait anymore he started to try to pee and i got onto him he stopped and my son quickly took him out and so he could finish his business.

Yesterday I (as you may have noticed or heard from my past posts am going thorough a lot of things that tend to make me sad and depressed) Troy noticed it right away and jumped on my lap and started licking up my tears and kissing my face and nudging my hands to try to get me to pet him and give him attention to make me stop crying cause he knew distracting me to love on him keeps me from being upset. Once again as always it worked; and i felt better after petting and loving on him.

I know everyone had heard stories about how these dogs have bit people or been mean or aggressive. Its all how they are raised. My boyfriends parents have an old pit bull and he’s the sweetest dog you’ll ever meet. Much like my two pits. They might cover you in kisses or bark when they don’t know you. All in all they wouldn’t hurt you unless they thought you were doing harm to someone my dog never barks or growls except one time when he saw this other dog growling at me then his instincts came into play and we went the other way fast cause Troy was getting mad that someone would growl or bark at me.

The neighbors have gotten used to him they know he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He has even won one guy over who before actually getting to know our dogs was scared of pit bulls. He learned how good our dogs are and has kinda taken a liking to them and gotten used to them. The worst thing our dogs do is Troy cries and Whines a lot when we are gone. The moment we leave the house Troy cries and whines and Zeus from what our neighbors says tries his best to calm him down but he has super bad separation anxiety.

We hoped the ease the separation anxiety by getting Zeus but it doesn’t really help or hasn’t yet. The lady in the appartment next door has gotten to where she knocks on the wall and talks to them and soon they stop for a while and are calmer.

Maybe one day Troy won’t have such bad separation anxiety and will be calm when we go cause he knows Zeus is still there so he isn’t completely alone.

The big thing I’m asking today is to please remember to not judge a book by its cover. Yes pit bulls are dogs yes there are some bad dogs just like there are bad people but you can’t think all dogs are bad just like you can’t think all people are bad. Just get to know a dog before judging it. It truly is all how they are raised much like people it’s all how they are raised.

Custody battles

Thinking long and hard about my situation and that of others; and how ugly and horrible we all can be to each other it really gets me thinking. Why do we do these thing to each other and our kids? Much like the boyfriend said it seems much like most of these parents only want full custody or Primary custody out of selfish reasons out of power reasons or to have control. Why is it that one person one parent must have control of the kids? Why can’t both parties have equal say when it comes to the children? Despite the events of the relationship between the two parents why should the child suffer or be put in the middle of the power struggle? Both people helped make the child. The child shares the DNA of both parents or both people took responsibility of the child or children so why should one person be able to dictate how the other spends times with the child or when or what they should do to support the child and/or how the parent parents the child? Its just another form of control another form of trying to be the top person controlling not just the kids but the other parent. I truly think that share custody is the way to go. No primary or both parents primary. Equal visit time and the child support should be in form of you pay for what the child needs during your time. You as a parent provide a caring loving safe home and give the kids what they need or what at your home during your time with them. When it comes to schooling or sports or other activities that the child wants to be in both parties should split the total cost including the price of supplies and equipment. This is exactly how my oldest sons dad and i do it and we communicate on if we need to change a schedule for a trip and find ways to allow the other parent to make up the time. We supply our own stuff for him when he is at our homes including clothes, food, toys, well everything and when it come to glasses or some type of school function ect. We get together and split the cost and we even go so far as getting the stuff together at the same store and his dad and step mom pays half and i pay half. It works because there is no one in control; no one is being short changed and its truly about what is in the best interest of our son. I wish everyday my other two boys’ dad was like that. I wish he didn’t have that need to control things and be able to hold something over my head. Just because we didn’t work out why should i be punished and why should our children suffer???? I get so worked up over the situation i get it all to well that life’s not fair bla bla bla. But why should our children be put in the middle of his grudge? Why should our children be used as pawns? It’s not more then not fair; it makes me sick to my stomach to know that this is how much our kids mean to him. How he thinks that it is ok to short change them and not let them see their mom because he wants the upper hand or that our kids can’t even call me or that they have to feel guilty for missing me. That my son feels like he has to say he doesn’t want to talk cause he thinks i don’t care or that he is scared to upset his dad. A kid should never feel like it’s a bad thing to love there parents. A child should be able to love both parents and the family members of the parents because they are parts of that child. Like it or not that child has a piece of your ex in them and saying they can’t love them or that they are bad. Even not wanting them to be a part of the child’s life is making the child hate that piece of themselves. It breed bad self esteem and even suicidal thoughts or actions. We really (as parents facing these custody battles) need to take a moment and think about what is truly best for the child or children involved and what will give them the most and best interactions with both parents and be fair to allow a child’s relationship with both parents bloom and have good long lasting results.


Maybe I’m just more sensitive then others people; I’ve always kinda been sensitive about things; but as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten worst. I’m sensitive about everything. I’m especially sensitive about my boys. My boys as in my kids, my dogs, and of course my boyfriend.

It’s been hurting me bad not getting to see all 3 of my boys only seeing my oldest. It’s been utter torcher. I miss them like crazy its been so hard on me and hurt me so much that its makes me physically hurt. I’ve never had anything affect me so much. I get anxiety attacks when i think about it. I wonder how they are? what they are doing? do they miss me? Do They know or realize how much i care and miss them? Do they think about me? Is daddy reading them bedtimes stories and tucking them in bed like i used to? Is he playing with them? Doing our little dance parties we used to do? Does he get down and play cars and color with them? Is he introducing them to the old songs to increase their music education? Is he kissing there boo boos? I try not to let all my questions ponder because it just upsets me and well like i said before sends me in to anxiety mode.

As time goes on I’m beginning to think mental, emotional pain hurts way worst then physical because honestly wounds heal you scratch yourself it will eventually go away yes sometime you have a mark but you are stronger from that pain. Broken bones heal headaches go away; sore and ached muscles stop hurting once you rest and relax or stretch. But the wounds of someone saying mean things to you doesn’t go away you still hear the words in your mind over and over again on repeat. The worst is hearing someone say they don’t care or love you or even thinking about someone you care so deeply for not loving you. So many things that hunt a person’s mind, spirit and soul. No wonder there are people who are crazy!! No wonder people become soulless and heartless and uncaring. It’s so hard not to be like that when you find out how some people are. I think the would just needs to stop being so ugly to each other how did we ever get to this point? Why must we cause each other such pain?

Poor CNA

I love my job as a CNA for those of you who don’t know a CNA is a Certified Nurse’s Assistant. We work in clinics, hospitals, and of course nursing homes. Our jobs include charting, helping patients do activities of daily living; such as eating, dressing, grooming, bathing, walking, or in most cases getting into a wheelchair for the patient to move from point a to point b or moving them from point a to b. And everyone CNA’s favorite thing to help patients with use the bathroom.

We do a lot for our residents we take care of them like we do our children. I don’t know a single CNA or anyone who works in healthcare for that matter that doesn’t have a heart and would do anything for the people who they take care of. I’ve met some like me who you can tell right away they have a big heart and then I’ve met some who seem scary and act tough but when you get to know them you see right through the tough exterior and know they would do anything for those they care about. We all face life which can be hard and difficult and can bring us down. But we all no matter what we do in the healthcare field; emts, nurses, aides, doctors, paramedics, ect. We all put our big girl/boy panties/boxers on and we do everything we can for our patients. That’s just what we do; what we HAVE to do. Cause we can’t let our life outside of work effect our job because lives depend on us. These people need us so we have to be strong.

Some people don’t realize how hard it is to be strong. How hard it is to not let home life be in your mind while you work and just focus on your patients. It take a lot so our job is very mentally and Psychologically draining. We deal with a lot that we don’t tell people about or that most don’t realize. I’m guessing that is why most people end up on anti-depressants or antianxiety meds in our field cause it’s a lot to deal with. We see people in their worst shape. We watch people slip away and die or come close to death. We see people who have been mentally, physically and psychologically hurt. The stuff we see and hear can be traumatic.

With all we deal with you would think maybe our pay would be worth it! Nope think again… We barely make over minimum wage. As an aide our average pay is 10. An hour (well at least that’s the average in the Springfield, Missouri area.) I honestly don’t think they pay us enough to put up with the stuff we do! If it wasn’t for an aide the nurse’s wouldn’t be able to give the treatments or give the medications the med. Techs couldn’t give. An aide is extremely important to keep patients clean, dry and safe! We are pretty much the foundation of healthcare; cause let’s be honest the entire system would fail without us! Yet they pay us so little they take advantage of our kindness and good hearts and willingness to do whatever for the people we care about and pay us less then what we are truly worth! It sometimes makes me what to change jobs cause my family is more important and it takes money to take care of my family! Here it is i really need a lawyer i really need money for well a lot of things; My kids always need clothes and well everything. I need to change jobs for money but it’s so hard for me cause I love my damn residents to much to just abandon them. My people need me and i know i will miss them i think that’s it’s to hard to just up and leave cause that’s not me. I can’t just leave people.

Happy 4th of July

I know I’m a little late but i want to wish everyone a happy 4th of July. I hope everyone had a safe holiday and since the 4th was during the normal person work week that everyone was able to get up the next day and be slightly functional. My son and I went to the boyfriend’s mom and dad’s house for the fourth. They all welcomed us and made us feel like family. But they always have they insist. Talking to and about my son like he is there grandkid. My son being the smart mouth 12 year old (13 this month) said to his mom. “My mom and Michael aren’t married yet; what makes you think they will ever get married?” she replied to his question so do you think they will get married? my son said i think so i hope so my mom and Michael seem to really love each other and though they have ups and downs always work through it and seem like they want to be together. So she said so why wouldn’t we want to get a headstart on being family? He smiled at her and said true you are right and then hugs her. That was the moment i knew she had won him over.

The fourth of July has always been my favorite holiday. Simply because you could include friends not just family. Also because in the winter and fall you have Thanksgiving and Christmas and yes although you spend it with your family it’s lonely if you don’t get to have everyone for the eve or day or whatever day you do Thanksgiving the weekend or day of. Plus its colder so it’s kinda stuffy and everyone is stuck inside to keep warm and you feel like an outsider when you don’t have your kids the day your family decides to celebrate. Although that wasn’t always the case when i was younger i just loved the fourth cause i could spend it with family and friends and be outside which I’ve always loved. I love to be outside ever since i was old enough to walk. Although the lord didn’t really bless me with the immune system to be outside; It has never stopped me. I like to be outside. When i was little i remember playing outside with my little cousins and playing in the water and eating fruit. 🙂 I think even though i have kids now I’ve always lived for it. And this year I’ve loved watching Micheal playing with my son and his niece and nephews and little cousins. It makes me think back to how i used to be before my ex changed me. How i used to do stuff like that. I smile cause its like I’m becoming me again and it makes me so glad that I’ve for sure met the love of my life. Someone who is making me become me again and doesn’t judge me for it. Why couldn’t i have found you sooner.

Anyways fireworks, good food, friends, family, being outside with music and listening to everyone laugh smile and have fun! That’s what I’ve always loved about the 4th and then later on going to the river either before the festivities or the next day. Can it get any better then that???? Nope!!!! I think the other reason I love the fourth is that its close to my birthday which makes things even better. I hope everyone has a good summer and gets a chance to go outside because you honestly don’t realize how great it is until you go outside.